Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
