Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
