i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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