It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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