why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
