There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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