I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize