I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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