The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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