sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
