just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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