Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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