margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
