i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
