So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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