If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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