We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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