I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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