He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
