I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
