id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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