I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
