My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Enjoy the penises
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
