Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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