Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He passed out mid-signature
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
