I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
