It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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