you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
