I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize