Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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