i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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