hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She bit a glass in half.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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