he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
