i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
