Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
