i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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