so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
