Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
