My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize