I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
