I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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