all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
