I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
