i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
