Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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