Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
