When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
