True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
