my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
