Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
