She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
