Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
