I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
