I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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