ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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