I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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