I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
