we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
