I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
