i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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