To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
