i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
