508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
