what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
