i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
