What a fucking waste of an outfit
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
