it wasn't lemon gatorade
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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