alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
