One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
