What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
