the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize