So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize