at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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