when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there's paper in my vomit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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