I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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